And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
