Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
