did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
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