Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
