When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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