Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
