I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize