You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
