Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
