guys are not supposed to queef...right?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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