No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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