I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
