You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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