Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You're like the curious george of whores
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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