dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
