we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
