I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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