I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
