my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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