I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
