if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
