hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
the liver wants what the liver wants
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize