I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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