I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
