don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
