if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
