I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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