I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
