I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
