who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
