She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
