marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
