i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
