Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
