What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
