Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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