Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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