I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
