So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
