No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
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