You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
