is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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