did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
