I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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