So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
