it wasn't lemon gatorade
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
