I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
