I can't breathe out the right side of my face
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Randomize
