fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize