I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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