I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You're a waste of cheezeits
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
