Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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