You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
My ass is underappreciated
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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