Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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