i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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