Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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