i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
