I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
