Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
