i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
