My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
