the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
