he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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