I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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