Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
