Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Randomize
