Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Text me some of your sweat
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
