Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
