P.S. I can't hear my feet
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
