i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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