ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
