you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize