Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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