I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
