Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize