he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
is wine microwaveable?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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